Thanks for the help Elizabeth Kübler-Ross!

Yeah, so, I had a little discussion with someone regarding a certain super-ass-0-holic that I know. And it actually stemmed from tranny being seen by my boyfriend's brother at the gym. I told just about everyone! And I have to admit that for quite a few days, that's all I could talk about. And I think several people were (for lack of a better word) disturbed with my so-called obsession. However, one person in particular cured me of what ails me!

Basically, I had to get down to why I was SO angry and mad at tranny. I mean, I only know of her what I have been told. Granted she asked to join our gym, however 'friend' sold tranny onto the gym and signed her up, not tranny. And the only reason she knew about the gym is because friend needed someone to replace me with cause she's a snot-faced-pooh-head!!!! Trust me, I could have written a lot worse than that. So, long story short, through the brillance and persistent nature of this person I finally got down to why I was SO upset.

It's because of 'friend.' Now, as a brief recap, tranny is my boyfriend's ex. And when she was reminiscing to 'friend' about the night she saw my boyfriend and I at the club, she said some untruths. And that pissed me off. However, someone played devil's advocate and said to me, if that happened to you would you like to admit that you got dumped? Especially several years after the incidient, when you think it's all in the past and that you will never see these people ever again, nor be reminded of them. Well, no, being dumped sucks! And it hurts. And then they said "Would you really expect anything less from her, than to down play what happened, and deny, Deny, DENY!!!!?" And it's true. I now understand that. Not 100% okay with it, but at least I can see it from a different view point. Which is good, right?!?!

So, we continued on with that stream of thought. And I then questioned why 'friend' would tell me what tranny said. I mean, I know that she's not a big fan of my boyfriend, and that's okay cause I think hers is a super-possessive-obsessive, psycho-hose-beast. I mean, there is a reason she's Speidi and I'm L.C.! And because of that small dislike, I don't know what else she could have said about my boyfriend. They possibly could have had a bashing session for angrygirl's boyfriend. But then again, maybe not.

However, let's get back to pondering why 'friend' told me what tranny said. Maybe she told me is as an impartial third party bystander. Maybe, subconsciously, she felt for tranny and sympathized with her (cause who can't sympatize with someone who's been dumped! And for all those that say they have never been rejected, you are liars. At one point or another you liked someone and they rejected you either directly or indirectly!). But all I could think about was "Why doesn't she believe tranny's story over mine!?!? I thought we were friends!" And that's when the waterworks started.

That was it. I thought we were friends. I'm mad cause the friendship is over. Especially since I realized now what a fucking jerk she is. And it's like someone died. And okay, it was our friendship that died, but regardless if there is no body that dies, there is still a loss. And I'm apparently in mourning, well experiencing grief. Yeah, I didn't know that. And then I was told that are stages to grief. There is a model by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross called the "Five Stages of Grief." And these stages can "apply to any form of catastrophic personal loss." So I went to wikipedia.com to find out what they are and guesstimate where I am within them. Do I have to do footnotes for quoting someone? I mean, I said it was from wikipedia.

The stages are:
Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
Anger: "Why me? It's not fair."
Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my children graduate."
Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."

Hmm, I don't think I'm in the denial stage. I think denial was when I first started this blog cause I couldn't believe that my 'friend' possibly would possibly bring my boyfriend's ex to our gym. And neither did everyone else. I mean, who would do that?!?! But now I know that she's a dirt-bag princess! And I'm pretty fucking angry... hence the name! Maybe I was in anger when I started blogging. Hmmm? Anyways, I think I'm still in anger. Oh! I just talked to Blondie about the stages of grief and junk and she just said that she thinks I am currently transitioning between anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

Well!!! I can see that! I think she's a shit-face, however I know that I can't make her admit that she's wrong or make her apologize but part of me wishes that someone would sit her down and give her a good talking to! Maybe I'll hire one of those de-programmers that people get for their loved ones that join cults to not be in them anymore. Except it would be to teach her that she's a MORON! Or maybe not! And I have said a couple of times that I could care less, and why bother with it. But could that not be acceptance? Can you have acceptance with anger? I really wonder. Wasn't there a show called Wonder WHY?! Do I even have an attention span? What did they do in that show? It was a science show right? Or was that Bill Nye the Science Guy? Did I spell his last name right? And then there was Reading Rainbow with the guy on Star Trek, the Next Generation that had that visor. What was his name? Crap! I don't have one!!!

So! I guess I don't know where I am in grief stages. At least I know why who I really am angry at. And that I'm grieving. But, knowing is half the battle! I wish I had a Real American Hero! G.I. Joe! 'Member at then end of the show they would tell you not to do stupid stuff. Yeah, so do I! Is it sad that I watched a show for boys? I mean, I'm sure there was a girl stuffed in there for PC sake. Okay, I'm supposed to be talking about grief and instead I'm talking about childhood comics. Time to go!

I found this little tidbit at http://www.joeheadquarters.com/joeendings.shtml. Of all the ones I read, this one was the funniest. So you get it to end off this post.

Ripcord says: Maybe you stink at baseball because you need glasses. Having your eyes tested may clear things up. Don't avoid a problem. Meet it (and beat it).

Knowing IS half the battle.